si j'etais une etoile...

2009-08-31T08:55:00.000-07:00

wondering where izelle went?
check me out... ihopizelli.wordpress.com.

be there or... be not there! haha.

over the phone

2009-01-27T20:20:00.000-08:00

There are some days when I want to set my blackberry on fire and watch it slowly burn into a cool metallic molasses of jpegs and mp3s. I've never been a die-hard fan of all the latest and greatest in modern technology, but I think it's quite unavoidable to not incorporate it into your life in one way or another. But this post is about contempt and not praise or gratitude. With that said, I feel as though cell phones are slowly but surely extinguishing any real relationships we have with people... but maybe that's just me. I seem to be the only one annoyed with it- or maybe just the only one that vocalizes any frustrations. I understand that cell phones help us to keep in contact with each other. They definitely help on those days when you're lost in a big city and can't find your way or when you're at the airport and need to call your brother to pick you up or when you're driving around trying to figure out which of your favorite restaurants is open for breakfast on Sunday. But what about the times when you are hanging out with your best friend over a coffee or sitting quietly at church or taking notes in the middle of a huge lecture hall or having a lovely dinner with someone special? Those are the times when I just want to shoot myself in the head. I mean, if it's just me and taking a cell phone call would be super inconvenient, I can always not answer the phone. But it is a little annoying when your blackberry messenger keeps going off or you're receiving ten texts in a row. But to me, the most horrible, heart-breaking thing in the world is when I'm trying to have a nice time with someone- just spend quality time with quality friends and they refuse to put away that stupid, annoying little sister of a pile of junk that we call a cell phone. I feel so pushed to the side. I'm sitting there in silence, enjoying my meal, coffee and what not and here they are typing away on their blackberry. I feel like I'm staring off into space and having a meal all by myself. In fact, I would rather just not hang out all together and postpone it to a time when I can actually have someone's full attention. As we all know, it's quality over quantity. I would rather see you once a week and have a great, uninterrupted time than to see you every single day and only have a small percent of your attention. Please, save me the humiliation. Really, it's quite embarassing to be sitting with someone that is completely infatuated with their cell phone and has obviously decided to disregard you entirely.

I really value my relationships with people. I like to talk. I like to hug. I like to see the facial expressions you make when I say outlandish things. I like to hear the sound of your laugh unmuffled and void of static interruption. I like giving power high-fives for totally excellent creative comments... But I can't do any of that... on my blackberry.

big brother

2008-03-09T08:52:00.000-07:00

that there is my amazing band of brothers and sisters in order of appearance... second from the left... that's dom. he is my older brother and one of the bravest people on earth. he is also one of my heroes. today is his birthday... so i raise my glass to him. i am so thankful to have a big brother like dominic. on top of taking care of us our whole lives, he's taken on the father-figure role since dad passed away. he's kind, considerate, and funny. he will be the last to start a fight and the first to offer a helping hand. he takes care of the check. he opens doors. he'll buy you drinks until you're drunk AND drive you home. and if anyone ever tried to lay a hand on anyone of his friends, it would be advised that they run and run fast or risk a quick and painful beat-down. when we were younger, we would take the bus home together... once we reached our stop... he would run- completely ditch me... leave me in the dust... he was trying to be funny but he always knew that i was running right behind him, as fast as i could... and i'd like to think that he did that to make me brave. you know, toughen me up some. and look at me now- i'm a damn ninja. so thanks bro...for everything... happy birthday and love you always.

my silver

2008-02-21T07:51:00.000-08:00

tomorrow is my 25th birthday!!! that's right... 25 years of joy... 25 years of being lucky enough to live this life... 25 years to be completely thankful for.

today is such a happy day for me. of course in these 25 years, i've had my not-so-good days... you know those days. if you know me well, you know that i've definitely had my lows. but today, even with all of the good and bad days in mind, all i feel is happy... and it's all just going to keep building up until tomorrow!

so cheers to those who have made my 25 years happy ones... to those who have made me smile and laugh... to those who have given me hugs for no reason... to those who have sent me cards when i was feeling down... to those who have texted me "sweet dreams"... to those who know my favorite starbucks drink... to those who have told me i'm not fat... to those who have held my hair back... to those who have made me a cd... to those who have stayed on the phone 'til 4 in the morning... to those who have shared dessert with me... to those who have danced 'til the lights came up... to those who have tucked me into bed when i couldn't do it myself... from the bottom of my heart, i love you.

tall strawberry lemonade s'il vous plait

2008-01-09T09:06:00.000-08:00

i am having a lovely tall strawberry lemonade- best decision i've made all morning. i have so much energy right now- i don't know what to do with it all. it's been daaaaays since the last time i've said anything here. but for your entertainment and mine, i'm back! i refuse to ruin my mood by talking about emo stuff. life is grand and sugar is sweet. that is my only concern right now. cheers to you all... and a special cheers to my baby sister stacey who happens to have just turned 21 yesterday! =) i heart you angel!

beautiful people with beautiful feelings

2007-11-04T11:28:00.000-08:00

... thanks to Donnie Miller, genius.

realization

2006-02-16T21:48:00.000-08:00

it's recently become clear to me, that although i seem rather anxious to share my thoughts with "the world" through this online journal, not very many people- if any at all- read this. so i guess from now on, it's most of all going to be for myself and left public just in case it all catches anyone's attention.

honestly, it's actually somewhat of a relief to know that at this point, my own thoughts can't really be held accountable in the case that someone might come across this all and have some sort of awkard awakening. that's not my intent. i never really meant for my words to be powerful. it's all just stuff i think about.

and if you are reading this, i appreciate your patience and warn you of my arbitrary babbling. you are always welcome to sit and stay awhile.

celebrate love

2006-02-14T02:27:00.000-08:00

As much as I might love this day, there’s a certain sadness about Valentine’s Day. I think the thought of a day dedicated to love scares some people shitless… so they revert to dubbing the entire day “a bunch of bullshit.” I know more people that hate Valentine’s Day than people that love it. I can only wonder whether it’s because of some of these people that even more people despise Valentine’s Day. And to all of these people, I’d like to say, stop with all the Love Day hatred! There’s so much people have to say about why Valentine’s Day is so stupid. You’d figure that anyone in their right mind would have no problems with such a day being in existence. But, no. Some people might say that Valentine’s Day is nothing more than generic- a holiday for everyone, invented by an overly sentimental person, dedicated to wasting your money away on your significant other in order to supposedly show them how much you care. But since when have people dreaded having to show their love? Shouldn’t we instead dread showing hatred? Is it the money? Because showing your love doesn’t mean having to shower your girlfriend with flowers and chocolate. (And if by chance, this is what it means to your girlfriend, then I’m sorry but you’ve found the wrong girl.) Showing love should be the most natural and simple thing one can do. (And if you need me to instruct you how, then I’m sorry but you’re not really in love.) Valentine’s Day is no obligation, my friends. It should be looked at as an excuse- another excuse to drop whatever it is you do on a regular basis and focus on loving. Some people like to say that Valentine’s Day is great for couples, but for those without a significant other, Valentine’s Day is a mere reminder of just how alone one is in this world. You know why this excuse is lame? Because you shouldn’t let someone else’s happiness be the cause of your own pain. If you see a couple acting especially in love today, can’t you just be happy for them? Remind yourself that someday, you’ll know that kind of love. And until then, don’t let those who are lucky enough to have reached that point bring you down just by being happy together. Because Valentine’s Day was not just meant for lovers… celebrate the love you have for your family, for your friends, for the environment, for food, for music, for God… for anything. Take a look around you… love is everywhere. And to that, you may say that hate is everywhere, too. But if ever there was a day to see the love in this world and not the hate, please let it be today.

in retrospect: 2005 part one

2006-01-04T23:39:00.000-08:00

so the time has come... a brand new year... brand new me? ... i think not! hahaha.

... too bad, you all will have to wait for something grand and monumental for me to make some historic change.

2005 has been pretty good to me.

this year began with izelle workin at pasta pomodoro. also, karl and i were back in the saddle again, tryin to start over and rebuild. the beginning of the year did not show much progress for us, but it was truly only the beginning.

meanwhile, i was busy with my final semester of school EVER... and i mean ever... no grad school for me. my classes included the thesis class, the pcn decal, anthropology, developmental psych, and business. did pretty well overall and made some kick ass friends along the way. sadly, it will be rather difficult to see any of them from here on out.

february brought about good times in vegas for our birthdays (kim, jon, and me). it rained, but we still had fun.

spring trodded along... not too much sunshine, but the end of my school career was nearing. i dreaded having to complete my thesis... but it was pretty much on like donkey kong for me. i was set. mtv was to be the subject of my undergraduate thesis. i put in some pretty good hours at starbucks reading and writing. i also began to rely more on the powers of caffeine, which prior to spring 2005 didn't have much of an effect on me... but then again, i never really needed it before.

as april approached, for the first time in my life, i began to feel actual stress. surprisingly, college had been almost a breeze. personally, i think anything can be easy as long as you have fun with it and have genuine interest in it. along with stress, karl and i were doing just ok. nothing big. we were a work in progress.

finally, may came along and i graduated. f*ck yes!

the summer progressed and freedom felt dandy. i still felt a bit tied down because of working at pasta pomodoro, but it was money in my pocket... so i didn't mind much. plus, karl was working in san jose through the summer, so its not like i could really see him anyway. on top of all that, we were kinda both in our own worlds. on my part, it wasn't by choice. it was more like me having to find stuff to do since karl seemed preoccupied.

it's time

2005-12-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

today, i had a short convo with my good ol pal smarterchild, who told me this...

Here's your Pisces horoscope for Friday, December 16th:
Forget about anything that's ever happened before. All those secrets and mysteries you've been investigating? Let them all go. It's time to enjoy your life to the fullest -- every single day that's still to come.

... and that's exactly what i plan on doin. i know that for the most part, it seemed like i've been pretty unhappy these days, but that's not true at all- not anymore. in the past few weeks, i've realized so much stuff that i know i sorta knew all along. i'm a pretty happy person. it's just that all that routine bullshit was getting me down, so i knew exactly what i had to do- stop!

everything happens for a reason...

and when you're unhappy you should know that you're probly not doin what you're meant to be doin... so get out of it.

when you find something you love, get on that shit asap! hahaha.

always remember that everything fucked up in your life has got nothin on whatever you have that makes you happy.

be thankful for everything and everyone that you have and know that they are equally thankful for you.

in this one life that we have to live, there's no time to waste on petty fights, pet peeves, and people that don't deserve you.

i am surrounded by so much good.... so many wonderful people that make me laugh and smile everyday. i love it... and i'm gonna make sure it stays that way.

live your life to the fullest... now is the time.

city folk

2005-12-02T14:55:00.000-08:00

yesterday, we were supposed to go ice-skating, but it rained...
but you know me

... we were determined to have fun by any means necessary in the good ol citybythebay...

as expected... i had my buds kris

and regina

by my side... and what an eventful day (or night, i should say) we had in store for us...

you're so very special

2005-11-29T15:18:00.000-08:00

... i wish i was special.
have you ever had one of those days when you just felt unimportant? what the fuck is up with that?!?

and then you realize that if you were gone, people would start wishing they had treated you differently while you were here... and that is why everyday, i do all i can to let my loved ones know how much i really love and appreciate them.

i hope that i will never leave you with a single unkind word.

nothing hurts more than not being able to say "i love you" anymore.

L is for luscious

2005-11-15T16:03:00.000-08:00

by now you've probly already read my post about being a freakin robot... so i'd like to let you in on the better side of izelle... the real izelle actually. everything's more fun that way, wouldn't you agree?

so i put my name into one of those name acronym makers online and this is what it gave me:
Inspirational Zany Exquisite Luscious Luscious Enchanting

i must be pretty damn luscious...

luscious:
Adjective1. Sweet and pleasant to taste or smell: a luscious melon. See Synonyms at delicious. 2. Having strong sensual or sexual appeal; seductive. 3. Richly appealing to the senses or the mind: a luscious, vivid description. 4. Archaic Excessively sweet; cloying.EtymologyMiddle English lucius, alteration of licious, perhaps short for delicious, delicious ; see delicious.Other formslus'cious·ly adv.lus'cious·ness n.

so here now for your viewing pleasure and mine, a look into the very luscious life of me...

hmm... those are a few random shots for now... hopefully enough to keep you entertained... be back for more... they'll be up shortly, i promise you. i never disappoint...

robot status

2005-11-11T09:36:00.000-08:00

fo sheez peeps... the life and times of a receptionist

today is veterans day, so first and foremost this one goes out to them. strangely enough, when i think of that, i realize once again that i ought to be somewhere else, doin somethin else.

i regret to inform you that i have a routine now. i've come to acknowledge and accept the fact that regardless of what anyone says, at the beginning of my day i'm a receptionist and nothing more. i get up, maybe go to the gym, get ready and go to work... to be the receptionist. and i stay the receptionist until 5PM.

then, i drive about a quarter mile away only to become the starbucks groupie for another couple of hours. note that this is the highlight of my day. i see my friends and talk about anything and everything. this is the time of day that i feel the closest thing to being O.G. izelle. i can kick back with kris, reg, tre, tinay, felix, neil, marc, and whoever else is in the buildin and feelin themselves.... with my iced grande extra vanilla caramel macchiato in hand to finally put a fuckin smile on my face.

then i drive home and myspace. (notice that i now utilize "myspace" also as a verb.)

and to end the show, when done myspacing, i sleep.

sometimes, i'll eat.

i'm a nice girl with some nice dreams

2005-11-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

so i've been thinkin... this "job" i have... it's not that satisfying. and believe me, i've always been the type to really really REALLY want a job that makes me happy- something i'm actually passionate about.

don't get me wrong, being a realtor is great if all you want is cashola, but i don't. in fact, the only thing that's left that attracts me at all to realty is the chance to maybe be rollin in some major dough. on the other hand, i don't see how realtors can ever fuckin sleep. they are constantly on the job. and it's not like you're gettin paid hourly... or even salary. you sell a house, you get paid. you don't sell a house, you're livin off ramen and vienna sausage rollin in a '92 camry on a quarter tank of gas.

and now, about my big dreams. yes, indeed, we've all got to have our dreams. as some of you might know, my ultimate dream would be to become an actress, or actor (for the sake of not being sexist). acting has always been fun for me. i know that it's something i enjoy. but it's scary... mainly because although i know for a fact that i enjoy acting, i really don't know if i'm any good at it. afterall, my acting experience is limited to two high school musicals and a few elementary school plays in which i was most often the narrator because of my incredible reading-out-loud skills. haha. another roadblock is a pretty obvious one- i'm not superskinny, tall, or white... i don't know if there's room for someone that looks like me in hollywood. what kinda role would i get other than token minority teenager? and it's not like i'm gonna become super famous overnight. it's gonna take a lot outta me, i know. maybe i'll just waste away several years of my life tryin to make it in a place where i never belonged in the first place... maybe.

... or maybe not ...

cheers my dears

2005-10-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in Halo2 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Repost this if you're a nice guy.
Girls repost if you're lookin for this/or appreciate these guys.

paper-pushin yo

2005-09-15T16:11:00.000-07:00

where it's at... i got two turntables and a microphone...

holler at me dogg...

unconditional love

2005-08-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

today after work, i took bart to berkeley. while on bart, i got to thinkin about a lot of things... later on when i finally met up with my friend, he helped me come to a grand conclusion... any kind of love is great, but nothin beats unconditional love. anyone that can love you unconditionally is definitely worthwhile.

check one, two

2005-06-14T08:56:00.000-07:00

yo... i'm bored... i had to wake up at 7:30 this fine mornin to take my baby sister to school.
she was late for a final cuz she was finishing up an essay... reminds me of someone i know very well.